Joy in the Depths

Have you ever been caught off guard by God? Well, this was my experience at the Parish Retreat this year.

The last few years have been very difficult physically, mentally, and spiritually for me. My closest friends have been pain, exhaustion, and frustration. I’ve tried to see these difficulties as a gift and to find Him in them but it has challenged me to the core. I’ve tried to get used to a new kind of relationship with Jesus, but boy have I longed for proximity. So, although the subject of the retreat tantalized my imagination, I was a bit apprehensive. I really couldn’t afford to be let down by any preconceived expectations.

Tom began his presentation on the seven mansions on Friday night. As the evening progressed I noticed something curious happening in my heart and mind. It was as if a veil that had kept me from seeing and experiencing Jesus was slowly being removed. My heart was being warmed in an unusual way and I couldn’t wait to get alone. I waited patiently for everyone to go to bed so I could take advantage of the fireplace and the silence just to be alone with Him. Finally, there we were. He didn’t say anything profound and neither did I, but I felt like I touched Him and He touched me. My heart was lifted above my struggles and I experienced His joy in the depth of my soul. I couldn’t help but rejoice and praise Him for expressing His loving-kindness toward me this night!

Another topic that Tom touched on is what St. John of the Cross deemed the dark night of the soul. He described it as God lifting His presence from us for a season where we have to walk by faith and not by sight. It seemed to reflect so much of my own journey the last several years and again reminded me of just how faithful and kind and good He is and has been to me irrespective of my circumstances. And again, I couldn’t wait for night to come so I could steal away with Him.

The whole weekend was so good for me; I even felt better physically. God reminded me of things He’s spoken to me in the past which gives me inspiration for the future. Needless to say, my heart was full and renewed and I felt like I came home a different guy than I left.

As it so happened, a week after the retreat I started a new medication, so I asked the prayer team if I could come in for private prayer on Friday. When I showed up they asked me to remind them why I came in for prayer and if I would be willing to share what has been happening in my life over the last few years. They asked if they could pray about some of these challenges as well as the new medication. (As we prayed I got a picture in my head that corroborated my experience at the retreat and caused my heart to swell again with great joy and fulfillment.) They asked if God had spoken to me or given me a picture and if I would be willing to share it.

I told them that when I come home from work my boys come running when they hear the door open and yell “DADDY” and jump in my arms. It seemed like God was showing me a picture of me running to Him, jumping into His arms and the two of us spin around and around while He holds me tight. The retreat and the prayer reminded me that HE is my center. He is my anchor. He is my hope. He alone is my satisfaction and fulfillment. He loves me and He enjoys when I take the opportunity to run and jump into His arms.

I believe God wants to show up in our lives in ways that may be unusual or uncomfortable to our norm. We just need to be open to Him and give Him space. He IS love and we can trust Him; He has great things for us! And as He moves upon us we have more to share with the world.