Are You Strong Enough to Be Gentle?

Gentleness Is Not Weakness

Last week, I wrote about faithfulness. If you recall, I said that when I get to the end of my life, I hope people can stand up at my funeral and say I was faithful. I hope they can say I stayed faithful to God, to my family, the Church, and the work God gave me to do.

This week, we come to the next fruit of the Spirit: gentleness. And I have to be honest, I am not sure I have ever imagined people standing up at my funeral and saying, “Chase was such a gentle man.”  I do not know many men who want to be known as gentle. Honestly, I am not sure many women do either. Faithful sounds strong! But gentle? Gentle sounds soft or weak.

When most people hear the words gentleness or meekness, they picture a Walter Mitty kind of character: timid, passive, easily intimidated, and unable to stand up for himself. We imagine someone who gets pushed around, avoids conflict, and never says what he really thinks. It is not exactly the kind of person most of us are trying to become.

Our culture does not place much value on gentleness. Walk into a bookstore, browse the internet, or scroll through your social media feed, and you will hear the same message in books, seminars, podcasts, and leadership training: Look out for number one. Stand up for yourself, build your brand, make your voice heard, and do not let people take advantage of you. Learn to swim with the sharks. Be bold, aggressive, and powerful. Gentleness, by comparison, seems hopelessly impractical, like a good way to get ignored.

And yet Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matthew 5.5). That sounds almost upside down. We assume the forceful, loud, and powerful inherit the earth. Jesus says the meek will inherit it.

So what does He mean?

The problem is that we have confused gentleness with weakness. Biblical gentleness is not weakness. Gentleness is strength surrendered to God and placed under control for the good of others.

That is an important distinction. A gentle person may have great power but chooses not to use that power selfishly. Gentleness is not the absence of strength, but is strength governed by love.

Gentleness Is Strength Under God’s Control

In one of my favorite shows, Yellowstone, there is a great example of gentleness. The Duttons come across a wild horse that no one seems able to handle. The horse is powerful, unpredictable, and unwilling to let anyone near him. Every attempt to control him only seems to make him fight harder.

But Kayce Dutton, one of John Dutton’s sons, understands horses. Rather than trying to overpower the animal, he patiently works with it and gradually earns its trust. Over time, the horse learns to accept a saddle, respond to a bridle, and carry a rider.

The horse had not lost its strength. It could still run, but now that speed and energy were under control.

That is a picture of biblical gentleness. Gentleness is not becoming less strong. It is allowing the Spirit of God to govern your strength. It is power that no longer has to prove itself.

When Paul says gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit, as we have been discussing with all of the fruits of the Spirit, he is saying this kind of life does not grow naturally in us. Self-assertion, defensiveness, anger, pride, and the need to win come quite naturally. Gentleness has to be cultivated by the Spirit of God.

It grows as we trust God enough that we no longer have to control every situation, defend ourselves from every criticism, or defeat everyone who opposes us.

Let’s look at two great Biblical examples…

Moses Was Powerful Enough to Be Gentle

Numbers 12 gives us one of the clearest pictures of gentleness in the Bible. Miriam and Aaron began speaking against Moses. They criticized his marriage, but the real issue was deeper: they were questioning his authority.

They said, “Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also?” In other words, “Who does Moses think he is? Why should he have all the authority?”

Then the text gives us this striking description: “Now the man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth.”

At first, that description seems strange. Moses was not timid. He stood before Pharaoh and demanded that he let Israel go, led an entire nation out of slavery, confronted idolatry, delivered the law, and carried enormous responsibility. Moses was far from weak.

However, when Miriam and Aaron attacked him personally, Moses did not lash out, campaign for support, gather people around him to tell them how badly he had been treated, or use his position to destroy his critics. He allowed God to defend him.

Then, when Miriam was struck with leprosy, Moses cried out to God on her behalf: “O God, please heal her—please.”

That is gentleness. Moses had been wounded by her, but he did not want to wound her in return. He had the authority to retaliate, but instead he interceded.

That does not mean Moses felt nothing or that criticism did not hurt. A gentle person may feel anger, disappointment, or hurt, but those feelings are surrendered to God rather than turned into contempt, revenge, or cruelty.

Gentleness says, “I will not allow what you did to me to determine the kind of person I become.”

Jesus Shows Us What Gentleness Looks Like

The supreme example of gentleness is Jesus. He said, “Learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart.” And yet no one could honestly describe Jesus as weak. He confronted religious hypocrisy, rebuked His disciples, drove money changers out of the temple, and stood before political and religious authorities without being intimidated. Jesus was not passive, afraid of conflict, or unwilling to speak hard truth.

However, He never used power to make Himself feel important, crush the weak, or exploit those who trusted Him. Jesus had more power than anyone who has ever lived, but His power was always governed by love.

At the cross, we know that He could have called down legions of angels, but He allowed Himself to be arrested. He could have destroyed His enemies, but He prayed, “Father, forgive them.” He could have shamed Peter after Peter denied Him, but instead He restored him.

Jesus was gentle because His strength was governed by love, and He did not need to prove He was strong. That may be one of the clearest signs of true strength. Weak people often need everyone to know they are powerful. Gentle people are secure enough that they do not have to dominate the room.

Gentleness Changes How We Use Power

The real test of gentleness comes when we have power. What happens when you are the boss, the parent, the leader, or the person with the final say? Power reveals character. Some people become harsher when they gain authority. That is not strength. It is insecurity with a title. Gentleness asks, “How can I use the strength God has given me for the good of the person in front of me?”

Paul described his ministry among the Thessalonians by saying, “We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.” He also wrote that when someone falls into sin, we should restore that person “in a spirit of gentleness.” Notice the goal: restoration.

Gentleness does not ignore sin or avoid difficult conversations. It speaks the truth in a way that seeks to heal rather than humiliate.  Perhaps nowhere is this more visible than in our words. Proverbs says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” One sharp comment can quickly turn a disagreement into a fight.

Gentleness interrupts that cycle. A gentle person can disagree without mocking, correct without crushing, and remain firm without becoming harsh. Gentleness refuses to let another person’s lack of self-control become an excuse for our own.

The Spirit Can Make Us Gentle

Here is the challenge: gentleness is not something we can manufacture through good manners. We can act polite while seething inside, speak softly while quietly despising someone, or avoid conflict because we are afraid rather than because we are gentle.

Biblical gentleness goes deeper than behavior. It is the work of the Spirit in the heart, and the Spirit makes us gentle by teaching us to trust God and love that which He loves.

Gentleness is what happens when our strength is no longer controlled by fear, pride, or the need to prove ourselves. It becomes available to God, and when our strength becomes available to God, it becomes safe for other people.

That is why gentleness is not weakness. It may be one of the strongest things the Spirit ever produces in us. It takes strength to remain kind when someone mistreats you, receive correction without becoming defensive, lead without controlling, forgive when retaliation would be easier, and speak softly when you have enough power to make others afraid.

So perhaps gentleness is something worth being known for after all.

At the end of my life, I still hope people say I was faithful. But I also hope they can say that whatever strength, authority, or influence God gave me was used carefully. I hope they can say I did not use power to crush people, that I spoke the truth in love, and that people felt safe enough around me to be honest, weak, wounded, and still growing.

Because gentleness is not weakness. Gentleness is strength surrendered to God and placed under control for the good and love of others.

– Fr. Chase