I had a beautiful wedding—white dress, gorgeous flowers, everything that a fairytale wedding demands. But have you read an original fairytale recently? They are not always what Disney would have you believe. That is a little bit like the difference between what Bill and I imagined the marriage would be like and what it actually was like. From the first month difficulty ran rife. We tried, we went to counseling, we…were broken, utterly and wholly broken. It seemed that the only thing we did well was wound each other. Four years later, physical and mental decay overwhelmed any commitment we had to each other. We got divorced. I was terrified that one or both of us would die trying to be together—it seemed like a very real possibility—it seemed imminent.

Looking back to that wedding day eight years ago, I can tell you that you can’t marry someone to try to escape your problems, your family, or yourself. We were both guilty of that. Together, we made each other worse—by the end there was little love in it and very little of what I now know God intends. Marriage won’t save you. It has taken me the last four years (and lots of counseling) to give up my skepticism and learn to value both singleness and marriage. Both can be a good way to work through life—a good way to care for other people, a good way to grow yourself, a good way to seek God on your own and together. I’ve come to realize that either way it will be hard though—good, but hard.

On February 3rd (11:15 service, Christ Church Anglican), Bill and I are marrying each other again. We can tell you that we never really stopped feeling married to each other because nothing else seemed right. We can also tell you that God has done amazing works of growth in both of us. Those four years apart were not ideal, not as intended, but forgiven. Sometimes it takes time for God to grant needed life experiences and knowledge—time to learn to take care of yourself and not need rescuing, time to learn to lean on God when there is nothing else left, time to dig to the bottom of the deep wounds and ask God to start healing them, time to have revealed how you hurt others, time to know what you want. Restoration and healing take time and there is no cookie cutter way that God goes about it. So, eyes wide open, knowing all of the ways that we are still broken, I happily ask God to do His beautiful work.

Lord, show all of us at Christ Church Anglican how You are moving in our lives. Grant us strength to live each day—when we are overwhelmed with happiness and when we are crushed by hardship. Send us out to help others lean on You in their difficulties. Make us fearless in our freedom.

Erin Hudson